NEWS FLASH...SHOW TIMES...Pay Attention To This All Ye Fish

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Pet Lamb
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Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2006 14:40
Location: Scotland

NEWS FLASH...SHOW TIMES...Pay Attention To This All Ye Fish

Postby Pet Lamb » Wed Nov 08, 2006 15:44


Cardiacs London Astoria Theatre 10 November 2006.

The shows will start early.

There are few among us who have not endured the cleansing rigours of a harsh education, few who do not still consult the Slide Rule, feel the birch, or apply The Left-Hand Screw Principle to the hum-drum tasks that this ‘Life-challenge’ hurls at us.

Lucky are we, safe in the comforts of OUR learnings, yet there are those in stranger echelons who see fit to conduct their business selfishly, for whom personal gain is a Guiding Principle.

Through their deviant proclivities, certain “parties” have been eager to prove “Two into One WILL Go”. Certain “organisations” seem a little too happy to Have Their Cake and Eat It.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN customarily avoids such Greedy-mouths all covered in sickly crumbs and in keeping with our reputation as the caring concern seeks only to trade with those parties that we have deemed to be most beneficial to YOU.

It has come to our attention, sadly, that a certain organisation, which is soon to be smashed-up, destroyed and reduced to ash, has enforced its self-seeking procedure upon OUR annual celebration.

Sheepishly, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN must insist that YOU are in attendance to experience The Goddamn Whores, who will begin their performance at the “well-mannered” time of 7pm.

Ashen-faced, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN must announce the grave news that The Astoria Theatre will open its doors at 6:45pm this Friday.

Short shrift for Jon Poole and company who, as a loyal representative of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN for many years, deserves better.

Short shrift, indeed, for YOU.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN is only too aware that our Loyal are made up of hardworking toilers, who must adhere to the tedious hours of “The Working Day”.
Bear in mind, then, under the draconian measures put into place by “a certain organisation” Cardiacs will be taking to the stage absolutely NO LATER than 8.30pm maybe even earlier.

The reward for your patience? Flunkeys from “a certain organisation” will aggressively herd you into the street upon completion of Cardiacs set, allowing some of God’s more delicate creations to hoof about to “ironic” music.

We, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, will try our best to get things running a little later but you have been warned.

With respect